finding people to meet with

[Page]

I'm having an online exchange with a friend about how to find people when you feel like you're "out there" on your own, and I thought I'd share my ideas here - hope others will add to it:

The first thing I think of is the low hanging fruit of hunting around online. I go to http://www.simplechurch.com and do a search on your city/state, read about the folks that show up in the seach results, and reach out to them online. I've also gone to a web site called "House Church Central", http://www.hccentral.com/directory/index.html, where they have an online directory where anyone can self-register their house church involvement. Some of it is pretty dated, and takes a bit of mining for gems, but I have definitely found gems there.

Then I reach out via email or phone calls and start checking out the sources. The kinds of questions I ask are:

- Can you tell me a little about your "story" (I try to be willing to tell a little of my own)
- what's going on in your gatherings? what's the flow like?
- What are some of the reasons you gather this way?
- What's a typical month of activity among your group?
- It would be interesting to know where some of the people in the group are coming from - ? (might be something you have to go meet them to find out more)

I listen to hear if they have a similar heart as I do; if it seems they are on the similar journey with God as I am; if there is a kindred spirit. I think it should be obvious. For me, I'm looking for connecting with people and the life of Jesus. The sense that the Spirit of God is leading, is able to have his way among the group. As for mechanics, I look to see if there's any religious gaming with people trying to get paid for being Christians (also known as "full time Christian work") - that's a clear red flag in these days. I think it's best if there's no money, positions/roles, titles, or heavy structure being worked. But hopefully, there's a simple, natural flow of people gathering together, preferring one another, doing life together, seeking Jesus together, less of us/more of him, and the gatherings just kinda take care of themselves, taking whatever shape is right for the group at the particular time and place that seems fitting for the people there.

As I ask the questions on a phone call, I would be leaning toward making a decision regarding if you'd like to meet up with someone from the group at a coffee shop (or whatever works for you). I wouldn't make the first step going to one of their meetings, but meet up with one or two folks outside of this so you can then decide if you want to meet in their home gathering. If good things are going on there, and they're wise, this is what they will prefer anyway, because the home gathering is a pretty intimate thing - we've learned to guard that. If you do go to the group meeting, you'll go as an invited guest of one of the "regulars."

Regardless of what the person encourages me to do as far as "joining the group", that would not be the focus. For me, that's something that takes time to work out. The point is connecting - meaningful relationships that start small and grow slowly. With one-on-ones, and dropping in on group times, I've met people that I would want to meet up with again later. And these connections have led to meeting others that are also meaningful. I think the point is building that network of relationships, the fabric of the body of Christ. Ultimately, I want regular gathering points where the same set of folks come together, and we do life in Christ together; we grow up; make the inevitable relational blunders; love each other through them; and Jesus is present and is taking the group - individually, and as a group - into more of him. Now that's heaven on earth.

Some times we've felt particularly betrayed by people in the traditional model - chewed up by it, taken advantage of, etc. then there will likely be some hurdles pressing into this. This has certainly been true in my life. You might meet someone who reminds you of all that pain, and say "I KNEW it!" and be convinced there's no place on earth you'll ever fit in. But I say, don't believe it. God is INTO us gathering regularly with his body, and the enemy is going to work overtime trying to keep us from experiencing it. Keep pressing in. I think it's safe going into this knowing full well that we'll run into people who are not on the same journey, and we'll need to move on, stay the course. We're all looking for where God's presence tells us "I'm here, and I have things here for you to give and to receive." God is raising these places up everywhere, and he's using each one of us to help make more of them happen.